03 Aug The lost touch!
Did a very powerful meditation today. I was in tears listening to her voice. It was a guided meditation. That moment, when she asked me to imagine my ancestors behind me, right after I visualized my paternal grandparents, I couldn’t control myself but imagined my buas. I have lost both of them recently within a span of 11 months.
And the only possible feeling of satisfaction when I think about them, is they being together up there.
Ours was a very different kind of relationship. They would both talk about anything to me, but scold me on the smallest of things. A lot of my cooking habits come from my elder bua. I am told, almost all my summer vacations were spent with her, wherever my uncle would be posted then. She used to love making besan barfi for everyone, but never shared her recipe. Unfortunately we didn’t get to relish it in her last winter with us.
With my younger bua, we were more like friends. My fanciest of dresses and the latest beauty gadgets were always gifted by her. Once she made 100 Theplas for me and my flat mates, each wrapped individually for convenience. Her bread pakoras were famous amongst my brother’s friends.
Those days of laughter and joy will never ever come back and the void inside my heart will always remain. They both left us very unexpectedly. Some days when I want to know something, especially about Gurpurab and Sangraandh, I pick up the phone to dial and suddenly come to terms with reality, a very harsh reality.
I don’t feel the warmth of relationships any more. My chest becomes heavy and eyes moist when I think about the both of them….
Gargi
Posted at 10:02h, 04 AugustYes …. with this void you feel your childhood is gone… I feel thatbwith my bua and Chacha.
avneet
Posted at 11:01h, 04 AugustI totally agree. I do actually feel that my childhood has gone. No one will ever understand my feelings the way they did. The childhood stories will never be so funny and understandable at the same time with anyone else now.
Annou Singh
Posted at 10:11h, 04 AugustI can empathise with you
.. harsh but true how our elders who have played such an integral role in our lives leave us one by one. My in laws left us and our house is not the same any more. Praying that we receive their Grace at all times.
avneet
Posted at 10:59h, 04 AugustTrue!! Things are never the same!
Ashima Gauba
Posted at 10:23h, 04 AugustThose we love a lot never goes from ur mind . They seem to be always walking beside U . Your love for ur Bhuas have become memory for U & you will treasure their memories for ages to come . Nothing can take their love that holds your heart. Loosing someone is hardest thing to accept . Remembering is easy . I myself is going through this hard pain . Not writing much I will conclude that my princess Hunar is my great strength . When she says Dadu paneee mein gaye & now he is star in the sky , my heart bleeds . We can only pray they all live peace in heaven
avneet
Posted at 11:00h, 04 AugustVery right mumma! Even though we carry their memories forever, the void is always there. We continue to start living with that.