18 Jun Eat. Feed. Repeat.
Now when I look back at those days, “There was nothing better than the time I spent nourishing my baby”.
Breastfeeding – a skill that is acquired naturally and gradually.
Like every first time mother-to-be, I too thought Breastfeeding would come naturally. While I took my time to get used to it, I would like to say that it’s a skill that is acquired gradually.
Within the first 20 minutes of when litlu was born, she was put on my breast and to my surprise she came in well learnt from the womb itself. It was me who was trying to figure out the way of holding that tiny little human in my arms so I wouldn’t end up hurting her. Her feather-like delicate skin, half open eyes and those little cries, left me awestruck and I immediately looked at my husband and he had tears in his eyes.. That was such a beautiful moment and will stay with me forever and always.
About 30 minutes later, after my doc and nurses cleaned me up, I was made to change and asked to shift in the room. That moment was so confusing..suddenly there was no baby bump, I didn’t have to be careful while getting up from the bed and the most surprising part was that i didn’t know how to behave..what to do next!! Believe me those were my exact feelings. There was happiness as I had delivered naturally, there was excitement to finally meet the baby, accompanied by a confused state of emotions. I remember, after the nurse made me change, she got a wheelchair for me to sit and go to the room, which was on a different floor. I completely ignored the fact that this chair was called for me, started walking to the lift and the nurse literally shouted – “Beta, paidal kahaan jaa rahe ho?” (Where are you going walking?) 😛 I was feeling all fine and didn’t feel the need to use the chair. That was such a funny moment in between all the emotions. Litlu was taken care of by my nearest family by then, who all were waiting for me with rasgullas (Yes, I’d asked my brother to get spongy rasgullas for me from Vishal Dairy. Well, those who know me, would know when I like something from a particular shop, I want to just have that). Was dying to have those. This was just before the pre mask days, in February 2020. But I’d got used to sanitizing by then.
The two hours started passing by too quickly. There’s very little milk in the initial days, we know that, we’ve read about it but we start panicking seeing the baby cry hysterically. Right from the beginning, people around you repeatedly ask you to start supplementing with Top Feed to keep the baby fuller for longer.
No! Top Feed is not bad, but it must be left to the mother (or the doc in critical situations) to take a call on the same. No one, I repeat NO ONE has the right to force or even repeatedly ask the new mother to put her baby on Formula. This is a Mother’s choice.
The first night at the hospital, litlu started crying uncontrollably around 10pm. I had hardly slept the previous night and had started feeling tired by then after the continuous pushing. (Oh you have to read about my delivery experience here). The nurse was coming in every 1.5-2 hours, helping me feed litlu. After the feeding session, where I was still learning, the moment I would put her on the bed, she would cry her heart out. This continued the whole night. Thankfully my mother-in-law stayed with us that night, she would be up rocking her, while I would take a nap.
The next morning she was better. Day 1 passed. I went back home with a new member that day! It was such a beautiful feeling! It was still cold here, and she was wearing clothes more than her own weight 😛
The same crying happened the second night as well. And this time, I started crying too!! It was natural. Her face became red/purple and so did my eyes. We both became calm by the morning.
On the third day, when I went to meet my gynaec for a follow up, I told her about my experience and she asked me to see the lactation consultant there. Long live that nurse, she was the one who guided me practically where I was going wrong. With the engorgement, the pain and the formula pressure coming in from all the corners of the world, I was about to give in but she saved the both of us. Mentally I was so exhausted with all the suggestions and do’s and don’ts. It came out that I was asked to use a nipple shield for my baby to latch properly.
We sailed through smoothly thereafter. Yes there were cries some nights due to her being colicky, for which I used Hing on her naval quite often and also used Tummy Roll from Mamaearth. She did get used to the shield, but it did not interfere with my supply. I did have an option of pumping and feeding her but trust me, I found that very time consuming. Nevertheless, I tried that for a good 3-4 months but only when she would miss her feed due to over sleeping, I would pump it out for her. You learn with time. You get to know so many things during the first year, especially the first months. The pee counts, the type of stool, oh there are so many things.
Months passed and we were enjoying the beautiful journey. And then I wanted to get back to work. This was just in the beginning of 2021. Things had started to ease a bit and I took the hard call of joining back work from the office. Today when I’m writing this, I’m getting jitters recalling those days. She was about to turn ONE, so I slowly started introducing cow’s milk to her in a sipper. After about a week of trying, I realized she wasn’t ready for it. I attempted again after about a month. She was One by then. I offered her regular toned milk in a bottle and to my surprise, she accepted it in about 2 days. Also because she was already used to the same milk in kheer from about 6 months. Initially, I was too scared to wean her off, thinking of how the days would go with her crying and all. But thankfully, it went well. She was having about 150ml before naps. She has loved paneer and curd ever since she started solids so i wasn’t really worried about her diet.
The night feeds were mainly to put her to sleep but she would wake up multiple times just to feed for 5-10 minutes. Nevertheless I wanted to continue feeding her upto 2 years. But then COVISHIELD happened.
I was talking to a friend one day and she told how she weaned off her 1.5+ years daughter because she wanted to take the vaccine. At that moment, there was no news of the vaccine being safe for a Breastfeeding mother.
That same evening, I took the call and started telling litlu “mumma’s feed is finished now”. She was all of 13 months then but understood each and everything that we talked to her about. She looked at me, gazing in my eyes. I told her that if she wanted she could have milk in the bottle before sleeping. She listened to me and ran away. I mentioned the same thing to her atleast 7-8 times before putting her to sleep. She was weaned off that very night. She did wake up twice in the middle of the night, I offered her water, she had that and went off to sleep. The next night, she woke up and started crying so loudly. I asked my husband to take over. He asked her whether she wanted water or feed. She nodded no to both. Ok, so what next! “Do you want to eat something?” She started pointing towards the kitchen and in her own sign language, asked me to take her there. She was hungry, wanted to eat a biscuit 😛 Had her biscuit and went back to sleep.
Believe me, there wasn’t any looking back since that day. She has been sleeping better since then. Sometimes, she does remember and starts asking me for it but I tell her that it’s finished now. She smiles and we are good to go 🙂
These little ones are smarter and more understanding than us..!
Breastfeeding is a beautiful journey, we do get tired, feel like giving up many a times, but once we reach the ‘solid starts’ stage, we realise how easy it was to just feed them direct. You know what I mean 🙂
It’s hard but eventually things fall in place!!
What has been your experience, your journey?
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