28 Jan The End of an era..
I was sitting and playing with her dog, when she called out my name and asked me to come to the kitchen downstairs. When I reached, she was standing next to the kitchen shelf, with a big steel paraat (high hipped platter) that had dry flour and a bowl of warm water kept next to it.
Can you guess the next thing my bua said to me? ‘Chal atta gun na sikh lai, nai taan teri sass ne maar maar taane, tainu pagal kar dena hai’ (Now let me teach you how to make the dough, else your mother-in-law will keep taunting you and make you go mad. And I immediately got a fit of laughter soon after but nevertheless started my dough making journey 🙂
This was in 2003, Nepal. I was 15 then. I had gone to spend a month or so with her after I had given my class 10 Board exams. Those days, we did not need a visa to travel to Nepal from India.
When I asked her, if she’s going to marry me off at that age, she smiled and said ‘waqt da pata nai hunda’ (You never know what time holds).
Trust me when I say this, I still make the dough the same way and every time I do, I recall that particular day. No, it isn’t any different than how you’ll do, it’s just the way she’d taught me. And for records, I got married some 12+ years from then.
My uncle (phu pha ji) retired from National Insurance. He was posted at different cities at different times and I have mostly spent my summer vacations with them.
A lot of my cooking habits have come from her. Until a few years back, she would send 2 boxes of Besan Barfi every winter for my brother and me. I always used to ask her, why doesn’t she teach me how to make these like the other things, and she would very politely say – ‘je tu aap hi banana lengi, main kinnu banaa ke bhejangi’ (If you’ll make them yourself, who will I send these to?’
It must have been 2012-13. My brother and I had a huge fight one evening. When we both just couldn’t stop anymore, I quietly picked up the car keys, switched off my phone and drove to her place. Yes I know I shouldn’t have switched off my phone. But until very recently, when we happened to recall this incident, she told me, she had informed my brother that I was fine and with her so that he doesn’t keep worrying. And all these years, I have wondered why my brother did not ask me ever where I was that night. That was her love for both of us!
A few months after I got married, my father and brother moved out of Chandigarh for good. She called me over at her place that day and said ‘My home is your parental home now. Don’t forget I’m here for you always’. She was the biggest support for me.
She has always done more than she could, for everyone around her. Whether it was cooking langar for 100+ people, or it was making Rajma for me whenever I visited her, she has always done it with so much joy. I used to see my dadi (grandma) in her.
About 2 months back, when she was in the hospital, she called me to inform that the admission forms of the school I was keen on for my daughter were out. I told her she could be mistaken, as there was still time according to me. She insisted I check and to my surprise, she was right. It was the last day to submit the forms 2 days from then. My daughter got admitted in that school and I will forever be grateful to her for this.
It’s true, there will only be memories of her now..and in these memories we, her children will find solace and spread her teachings. Her love for cooking & knitting was beyond measure.
***K you COVID, for not letting me see her one last time. I’d told her, I’ll come to her and that very day I tested positive and she left us exactly one week after that.
Navjot singh kohli
Posted at 15:00h, 28 JanuaryI miss my mom allot every day and night. I can’t still beleive that she has gone very far away from us and will never come back.
avneet
Posted at 08:03h, 29 JuneI miss her every single day..
Navdeep kaur
Posted at 15:09h, 28 JanuaryOh Avneet, I can’t tell you what I went through while reading this….. the whirlwind of memories with my bua, her being my support till her last and her love and dreams she weaved about my marriage, everything and May be i was missing her so much during my wedding celebrations that I actually felt her presence( in know our mind does all kind of tricks with us) but I knew everything was incomplete without her May be that’s why it was all psychological thing going on!
Grief is a very personal thing, I still go through it in times of difficulty and happiness both. I dread to even think that I will face this in my life again, but I guess this is how it is, it stays with you !
And you have penned it down beautifully…. I felt YOU sis and myself too AGAIN !
avneet
Posted at 08:04h, 29 Juneand Life just goes on.. we just miss them every moment..
SWARAN KOHLI
Posted at 03:23h, 29 JanuaryI Have been through a lot n been strong but this post of yours left me a teary eye… she always will be with us in our heart… i have been telling my mom to be strong jus by assuming she is in a better spply coz of the last 4 months of her pain but trust me deep down her not beong around is a great loss for us all..May GOD bless her soul always…
avneet
Posted at 08:04h, 29 JuneI’m sure she is at a better place, but the void can never be filled.